I’ve been tapped by Chris for five things my reading audience doesn’t know about me. At 21 posts, dy/dan is still a flyweight so this oughtta be pretty easy.
- My mom taught me until my freshman year of high school. I guess that’s called homeschooling, which is an awkward foray into the world of teaching. I loved it but I probably couldn’t have returned after becoming socialized in high school. Speaking of awkward, becoming socialized in high school was awkward.
- I’m six foot seven. And rail thin. And really young-looking. I’m not gonna pretend that anyone had an easy time in high school, but I’d sooner pick four years in Fallujah than go back to high school.
- I sold answers to my freshman year English final exam. This was my first semester in high school, where “unstimulating” was the watchword. To my credit, it was an open note final. The study guide was a beastly list of poetic devices, though: simile, metaphor, onomatopoeia, and their friends. We had to provide three examples of each from a bank of daily poems and that was a long syllabus. But I was bored. So I banged out a complete guide on the family Performa, sold the packet to classmates, watched helplessly as they copied it for friends, and then bought a new backpack after wrecking the curve for my customers. As my straitlaces have become loosened over time, I deeply regret squandering the profits of my first business on a backpack. Seriously, dude …
- I never wanted to teach. My father is a teacher and it just didn’t seem like anything I’d be into. I wanted to direct movies. I applied to film school with a portfolio of foreign-language films my Spanish teacher assigned sophomore year. Hey, teachers: keep assigning those projects. The nation’s premiere film school deemed my portfolio too weak (as if it needs saying) but I’ve been in love with movies ever since.
- I have a Guinness World Record. I may have mentioned this before but I guess it bears repeating. I’m afraid the motivations for and conclusions of My Biggest Thing are too personally significant (and long-winded) for a meme.